I went through this last week. WE went through this last week. Who is "we?" My friends. My family. No, not the family I normally talk about. Not my parents, in-laws, nieces, nephews, brother and cousins but the people who sometimes get classified as my "work friends."
We suffered a tragic and sudden loss of one of our own. Justin Leland passed away early Wednesday morning. He was my co-worker for 5 plus years and my friend for just as many. And on this very morning, I was about to learn how much my "work friends" were in fact my family.
I will never forget walking into work that Wednesday morning. There was an eerie silence about the building. A group from my team, including Justin, was to travel to Dallas that morning but around 8:15 I received an email from one of the guys stating he would, in fact, be in the office that day. This struck me as odd but I figured there was an explanation and I would grab him later to discuss. When I placed my things at my desk I found it odd that I wasn't greeted with the typical "Hey!... what's up?..... good morning." Nobody said a word. One of my coworkers turned around and I quickly realized, from the tears in her eyes, that something was wrong. She told me we had lost Justin. The flood of emotions and disbelief came quickly and the rest of the day really seems like a blur.
Within hours leadership came together to make sure everyone was able to take care of themselves. There was fellowship. There was food. There were hugs, anger and tears. There was little to no mention of work as this was bigger. Bigger than work. Bigger than any concern we had when we left the day before.
Since having Chaz, I have become the person that says "Work is work." Although I really like my job and I have passion for what I do, I realize I am not a brain surgeon. I don't save lives. I know my work is not life changing. I have actually battled this before. "Am I doing enough? Is this where I need to be? Could I do something that would be more impactful?" The obvious answer is yes. Yes, I could do something "life changing" but I like where I am and Wednesday of last week, I realized why.
The people. The people I work with are who kept me here for nine plus years. These people are full of strength and compassion. These are the people who gathered in a small room to cry, tell stories and just give a hug at a time of great loss. These people who I pass in the hallway every day and ask "How is it goin'?" really care. They cared about Justin. They care about each other. They care about me. We are all suffering together. As a family.
As the days have passed, they have not gotten any easier but there is comfort in the fact that we are there for each other. We are going through this together.
There was a celebration of Justin's life Saturday night that I was honored to attend. Within moments of walking up to the tent I confirmed what was already known amongst the people who knew and loved him. Justin had left his mark. He was an incredible man who had an impact on so many. Justin was quite simply one cool dude. Or as it was so eloquently put that night.... a badass. Justin was a badass. (which still makes me grin.) He was undeniably one of a kind. He could make you laugh. He would make you think. He would make you ask "why?" He had the most unique, quirky mannerisms that just made you love him. He was Justin. There will never be another one like him.
I remember about 3 or 4 years back Justin and I were working on an ummm....challenging project. Needless to say, there was a lot of stress, frustration and many long hours. The turning point was a moment with Justin. He looked at me and said "Thill, you know how I figured out you were cool? When you cussed back" ... that makes me grin too. He was right. Once we let down the "work guard" and started being real, we became friends. He was real. He was true. He called it as he saw it. This is what he taught me. Be true. Be real.
The night of the celebration, there were people there who had been gone from the company for years, who lived in different states and who I honestly never thought I would see again.. except for Facebook, of course. During the still, moments of silence, you could see people scan the place to give a smile, a wink or a head nod. It was as if to say "We are in this together. We are not going anywhere." There were moments of kind words, tears, music and wonderful stories. There were hugs with no words. Just hugs. All of this with the background of a beautiful moon and crackling bonfire. This was just as Justin would have wanted it.
I love my "work friends" now simply known as family. It is sad that something tragic has to happen to have you realize what was there all along. But I think we learn from all experiences in life, or we should. I have learned to slow down. When I ask someone how they are doing.. I need to really listen to the answer. Really listen. I need to check in on those who need it the most. We need to really appreciate the ones around us. Really appreciate. This goes for both at work and outside of work. We take far too many things to granted.
I will never forget this week. I wish I could wake up from this terrible dream. But I can't. My family can't. We never will. Rest in peace, my friend. There will never be another you.
When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile~ unknown
When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile~ unknown
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